Embarassing yourself in public 101

An unnumbered episode of a practically infinite series.

First up, there’s this thing:

(I’m the not bald yet one. With guitar.)

Next, I was aked a while ago if I’d like to participate in a relay marathon ‘just for fun’, and to fund raise for a good cause (the Bahrain Round table, I presume they’re defenders of chivalry, the realm, banging King Arthur’s wife etc.)

Sure! said I, with perhaps to much enthusiasm. Its only 3 kilometres! How hard can that be! There’s old people involved and I presume they’ll be walking! Fun for the whole family.

Oh ho no.

Turns out this little jog is actually BAHRAIN’S PREMIER ANNUAL SPORTING EVENT (according to the hyperbole of some radio guy who’s obviously never heard of the formula one) and there are 170 teams of REALLY SEWIOUS RUNNERS and its IN THE FREAKIN DESERT. Due to time constraints (and REALLY SEWIOUSNESS) I have only 12 minutes or so to complete my leg (/destroy my legs) they even have a TOTTALY OFFICIAL WEBSITE (that seems to have been built in 1998).

To make matters hilariously worse, I somehow got bullied into going first for my team, meaning that all eyes (including, allegedly, the cold steely glare of local television cameras) will be on me as I slowly drop out of the back of the pack of ultra-fit, 0% body fat sexegenarians; clutching the layer of beer induced flab between my lungs and the outside world; blaspheming with what little breath I am able to muster. (and abusing semi-colons all the while).

To my training regime then:

Deciding that my usual routine of
– wake up
– work
– come home, drink a beer, eat some poppadums (they come in a pringles can!)
– surf the internets
– sleep
wasn’t going to cut the mustard for a 3km run in the desert, I planned myself a nice, easy 3km route around the block, which I would run, dutifullly, every day, in an effort to reduce the amount of shame and risk of death come race day.

Times I have run this route until today? (which the website helpfully informs me is 9 days, 13 hours, 31 minutes and some seconds from race day) Well, none really. But i did try. Once. This is what happened:

Oh how I wish this were a joke.

Oh how I wish this were a joke.

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